Somehow a few days have passed since my last blog, when I’d intended to be blogging daily until I left. But between work and life, the time slipped by- as it has for the past several months. Most of the time I don’t even know what day it is. But to make up for it, I’ll write two letters today- and considering it’s currently blizzarding outside and i’ve been trapped in my house alone with my Great Grandmother with no internet, phone, cell phone, and shakey power- I figured I could sit down to write.
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I have no words to accurately describe how I feel. For the past 6 years, you’ve been the one constant thing in my life. Either I was constantly with you, or I was constantly missing you. Even when we fought, when we didn’t talk for months- or years- I missed you. Every day. The days we spent together were the best, and are some of my best memories. Your family has been so good to me, and I’ve always felt like they were my family, as well.
I love you so much, and the thought of leaving you once again sends currents of pain through me. Being apart from you, not being there for you – it’s one of the worst things I’ve done through my life, and unfortunately it seems that I’m constantly doing it. But at least this time, it’s because I had to go- for both of us. So that I can get out of here, and when I’m stabilized somewhere, I can bring you with me. We can both be free.
There is so much about you that I adore. Your heart. The way you smile. The way you look when you pick me up in your pajamas with your bed hair. The way you huh-shoo huh-shoo when I rub your back. The way you share everything with me and always seem to know what will make me smile, or what I’m thinking. I still remember when we first met and I was practically captivated by you. I thought you were the prettiest girl I’d ever seen. I still remember the first words we ever said to each other. I remember exactly where we were standing. I remember exactly what I thought. I remember so many things, that I think most of my memories are of you.
You’ve given me so much, since we’ve known each other. Sometimes it was a reason to live, sometimes it was silly string bracelets. But everything, no matter how big or small- I’m grateful for. I’m thankful that I have another chance to spend time with you. I’m thankful you met me at our bridge once again so we could talk. I’m thankful that I have someone like you in my life- that is so completely my other half that when we’re at odds I am literally incomplete.
I want nothing but the best for you, and know that you will find it. Whether it’s with me, with yourself, or with someone else. You are capable of so much, and deserve so much. I know that some days you feel like you’re trapped and stuck in this place with no chance of escape. But you’re not. I promise you that much.
So thank you for being my Kitten, my other half, and my best friend. I know that it will be hard to be apart again, but I also know that it will be okay. No matter how much time passes, or how split our paths get- we always, always, will find a way back to each other. Because in the end our paths cross more than they separate, and we were meant to be in each others lives.
I love you always, even when I pretend I don’t,