Currently I’m sitting on the futon I’m affectionately going to call mine, in my friends apartment in Manhattan. This weekend in New York City has absolutely blown my mind, and as if it wasn’t enough- the rest of this week promises to be just as amazing, adventurous , and memorable. So as I’m sitting here, petting my friends cat and waiting for her to return from her bellydancing class- I’m wondering how the hell I stumbled into such an amazing place.
My life has been everywhere, up and down, even sideways. Sometimes I feel like it even does barrel rolls. But I never would have imagined that at 18, I would have experienced the things I have, met the people I’ve met, and get the honor of calling some amazing people my friends. How did this even happen? How did I go from being a somewhat sheltered, shy, and lost child to an adult in the city of my dreams- having the time of my life while waiting for the rest of my life to start?
Maybe it’s fate, or destiny, or magic, or just some really good karma. Whichever it is, I know it’s also mixed in somehow with the choices I’ve made in my life, choices that I am ever grateful for. Like staying alive, like pursuing what i love, being open to anything, being that girl that will make you laugh, cry, and drop your jaw in ten minutes. I hoped that some day I would love my life and love who I am, but I thought it would be far off, and I could only venture about how it would feel to just feel so completely relaxed, and thrilled, in my own life and self. I never would have guessed that at this point in my life, where it’s really just beginning, that I would be where I am now.
My life? Well it’s pretty amazing.
Every time I’ve ventured out to try something new, meet someone new, or just do something that absolutely terrifies me- I’ve been rewarded in unimaginable ways. Everywhere I go it seems doors are flying open, things are falling into place, happening at just the right time for just the right reasons. This leaves my heart absolutely glowing with positivity, and leaves me somehow smiling at myself in the mirror knowing that things aren’t just “ok” things are fucking fantastic.
With the sound of cars honking outside, and the soft patter of sprinkling rain, I’ve never felt more alive or more at home. I know I belong in this city. I knew it when I landed here for the first time over the summer, I felt it when I visited the mountains over the fall, and I continued to feel it as I strolled the streets of East Village, navigated the subways, and wandered Manhattan. Considering how many people stopped and asked me for directions to get to places, I’m fairly certain I was radiating my sense of belonging. I just couldn’t answer their questions. I belong in these crowded streets and sometimes questionable neighborhoods. I belong in the fast paced place, in the nightlife, in the culture, in the unique and liberal space.
This sense of belonging only makes it easier for me to leave for the Air Force in less than a month, because I know that the time I spend there is going to be working for one goal and one goal only: Getting to New York. I’ll do all I can to get stationed on the east coast, and every chance I get I’ll be in the city, learning it, living it, getting ready to call it my permanent home.
So with those words, I’ll leave this post with the one thing I’m absolutely certain of. I love many things, I love many people, and I love many places. But the one thing I love more than anything or one is this city – and the way it makes me feel.
Anything is possible here. And I’m ready for it all.