Oh, New York

Oh, New York. You have been so good to me, so beautiful, so welcoming, and so intoxicating.

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But my trip has come to an end- which is difficult to accept.  How am I supposed to get onto a plane with all my things and go back to a place that I know isn’t right for me? How do I leave my new found community, home, and friends? How do I take the leap back to my small town- knowing that within 2 weeks of returning I will be shipping off for the Air Force?

I don’t know. But I do know that I have to. So as I sit here on a few hours of sleep, mainly functioning on the high of last nights amazing night, I’m somehow smiling.

The stories I have to bring back with me are unreal. In this past week, I feel like I’ve lived a year. I’ve learn so much, seen so much, done so much, and felt so much. Every emotion on that spectrum- I’ve felt this week. And it’s been worth it.

Seeing my friends and making new ones? Check.

Volunteering with little kids, and to help save Coney Island? Check.

Giant makeout orgies? Check.

Burlesque shows? Check.

Spinning fire? Check.

Navigating the subways on my own? Check.

Drawing in a little cafe with a friend? Check.

Walking miles and miles of Manhattan alone? Check.

The list could go on, but I would definitely make it a mile long. This trip has taught me to laugh and cry for all the same reasons, to really live. Live in the moment, don’t worry about your future or tomorrow, or even an hour from now. Or you’re going to miss what’s happening right in front of your eyes. 

So thank you, New York, for being everything I wanted and more. I will return to you, and you will always captivate my heart in ways no person ever could. 

Until we meet again,

    Iiae

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A Passion of Fire

I am on fire.

Well, I was about an hour ago.

For the first time since October, at Luminous Wild I got to light up and fire dance again. I have been itching, craving, and needing to do so again, but obviously did not have the ability to in my small town. But Debra took me to the Floasis, which is now one of the most amazing places in the world to me, and I was finally able to dance with my flames again.

 

Tonight I was taught how to eat fire. I transfered fire between torches using my hand, and I lit my tongue on fire and then another torch off my tongue. I also shotgunned fire down my arm to light a torch. And then, or course, I ate it.

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After this, I was finally able to hold fans again. Feeling them in my hands, holding them, made my heart race. It was just that feeling of pure perfection. That moment where I thought this is what I want in life. The fire doesn’t scare me, doesn’t unnerve me. It beckons me. Calls to me. It brings me to life. 

I played with the fans for a few moments and within seconds was able to spin them – something I’d never even attempted to do before. Then I lit up

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It was as if the fire was coursing through my body. You’d assume it would be strange, having these extensions flickering with flames a few inches from you. But it felt natural. I felt like I was on fire in the best way possible.

After dancing with the 3 wicks, I moved on to the 5 wicks. Then once I went back to the 3 wicks I decided it was time to try spinning them while they were on fire. Despite my heart racing and the small voice in my head telling me I’d probably drop them and look like an idiot. Or catch myself on fire – I did it.

I spun them repeatedly, one side after the other, then both at once. It was exhilarating and fucking amazing.

But the temperature was dropping quickly, and it was getting late.

But this was what I needed, this feeling of being high on life. The reminder that my passion for fire burns as bright and strong as the fire I danced with. I’ve been blessed to be able to have a sample of my future this week. Living in the city, experiencing everything, dancing with fire, meeting amazing people.

This will be my life. 

And I’m all to excited for it. 

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