First off, hell it’s been a fast month. I didn’t even realize so much time had passed since my last blog.
Second off, today was a reminder that sometimes the sun does come out, and miracles, however small, do happen. It’s the little things.
Lately, my days have been pretty shitty. I was working 10 hour days, 6 days a week. I’d failed a test at work. There was some problems going on. All in all my days were just shitty and I was drained- as silly as it sounds, my only saving grace was just curling up with my laptop to some Fanfiction, or watching Rizzoli and Isles. It was an escape from all the stress, and it made me happy- but aside from watching it- I was so caught up in all the craziness in my life, I forgot to just take a step back and breathe.
Yesterday after I talking with someone else from work and got uncharacteristically emotional over stupid things, I realized I was just in a funk. My mind was pretty much in limbo. So I went into the bathroom, stared at myself in the mirror for a few moments and just told myself to get it together. I promised myself that I would spend more time on me, focusing on what I need. I spend so much time at work, and volunteering, and spend so much effort on other people- I completely neglect myself until I’m dragging day to day. So I promised it would change, I would put effort into myself, instead of draining myself on everyone else.
After I looked myself in the eye and made that promise, things started to turn around. I walked out and retook my test, followed by two more. Passed with a 96%, 90% and did really well on the practical portion. I settled some of my differences in the Tower that had been causing some conflicts, and just let stupid comments roll off me. I started a new workout routine, and went to the gym to burn off all my pent up stress. I started eating healthier, taking vitamins. It was just little steps, just making an effort for myself, rather than letting myself continually get down.
And it worked.
Today I was pretty sad I would miss the season finale of Rizzoli and Isles- considering that’s what had been getting me through my shitty week. But I toughed it up and went to the gym anyway, then went to work and had a great talk with my supervisor. I just felt so much better in general. Then, as if it was a little bit of good Karma coming my way, or some sort of little teeny ray of sunshine coming down- I was told that for the remainder of the week I would be working at another building helping to clean it, and instead of working swingshifts I would be going there at 8:30am- and because I had to report in the morning, I could go home early instead of staying until 11pm.
I could watch the season finale.
I don’t know what was so significant about this, but it was like a reminder for me that good things still happen if you keep your head up and push through the bad stuff. Just keep going.
So that’s my tale of the month, as silly as it may sound. Today reminded me that I have the power to change things, and if I’m having a terrible day- it’s because I’m letting it be terrible.