Dating Opinions from the Awkward Non-Dater

 

I don’t date. I just don’t. I never really realized that I didn’t, I just never went on them. It wasn’t until last Friday that it was brought to my attention by my co-workers, while we were bullshitting around and killing time. They asked about my relationship life and my response was, as always, “single. I have cats.” It started as a joke, but considering I’ve been single forever now, it’s become self-fulfilling. I will probably die that lady with 100 cats, because I’m perpetually single. 

Why don’t you date? They asked. 

It’s weird. I answered.

Okay, apparently it’s weird that I don’t date. So spurred by their picking fun at my non-dating life and lack of reasons for it, I decided “fuck it.” I’ll go on a date. And it just so happened someone began texting me, flirting with me, and by the next day they were asking me on a date. I internally cringed, but accepted.

Reasons I don’t date #1: Invite me to the movies. Why are we dating? I assume it’s to get to know each other, or have fun. Or something along those lines. So why are we going to spend $30 to sit next to each other in a dark crowded room, and not talk? So the moment someone asks me out on a date to the movies I shut them down and cross them off the potential list. Maybe I’m a harsh judger, but if your game is taking me to the movies, I’m not interested. 

So I go on this date and it was just as awkward as I’d feared. I’ll spare the play by play. Sure, I had a ‘good time’ because I told myself I had to. I turned down the offer to the movies, and their next offer? Put Put. Come on! Does no one have any original dates anymore? Take me horseback riding, lets go hiking, show me some cool new place, lets go to a show, lets go volunteer or something. I don’t do this awkward formal snazz. I repeat. It’s weird. 

The end of the date comes and said person tries to be a good date and walks me to my door. They also opened every damn door for me. Now we’re getting to my pet peeves. 

Reasons I don’t date #2: When you try a little to hard. Open the door for me? Sweet. Open the car door for me when I’m getting in, awesome. But when you’re literally rushing to do this and then I have to stand there awkwardly while you’re opening the door, then wait awkwardly while you close it and go around to get in- it’s pointless. I get the trying to be a good date. Be a lady or a gentleman or whatever, but there’s a line. Seriously, I’m in the military. I’m not a frail little girl, I’m pretty sure I can open a door for myself. The gesture is nice the first one or two times, but beyond that it’s just downright annoying. 

Sure dates are cool, they’re a good way to get out and do something fun, and when you’re in a relationship, it’s a great way to spend some extra intimate time together. Do something special for each other. But the relationship is already established at this point. But when you’re non exclusively dating someone that you know is attracted to you it’s a whole different game. 

Reasons I don’t date #3: Social pressures. Come on, we’ve all read an article or heard through the grapevine dating do’s and don’t. Don’t say too much. Don’t talk about your ex. Don’t get serious too fast. Don’t do this. Don’t do that. Do this. Do that. It’s like dating has a mold you have to fit in. It practically comes with an instruction pamphlet. Actually, it does come with one if you chose to purchase it. So when I’m sitting there on said date the only thing I can do is evaluate their every word – wait, shouldn’t they not say that? Why are they talking about their ex. Should I say this? When I caught myself doing that, I forced myself to stop thinking about the dating ‘do’s and don’ts’ and just take the date for what it was. This brings me to my next point.

I’m not a bullshitter. I’m pretty straight to the point. If I like someone, they’ll know, if I don’t like someone- they’ll get some pretty big hints and it’s up to them whether or not they’ll catch on and leave me alone or keep looking like a dumbass and chasing after me. I’m not very subtle. 

So being this way, I get what dates are about. They are categorized into 3 slots to me (this is not for dates when you’re already in a relationship with the person).

1. Impressing. You want to impress whoever you’re dating to make them like you, make them go on another date with you, or do something with you

2. Testing the water. You want to see if you have a connection, see if you’d be good together. Chemistry, relationships, all that stuff.

3. Sex. Just point blank, the only reason you’re going out on a date with them and doing all this stuff is in the hopes you’re going to get laid.

Lets face it, 99% of dates fall under at least one of those categories. 

Reasons I don’t date #4: So they wine and dine you, spend their money on you, probably open the door for you. They try to impress you. Now, I was raised to be a very grateful person. And I also had a terrible fault that I literally cannot bullshit, I see right through people, and know exactly what they want/expect from me. And my biggest fault is I’m usually inclined to do it, because I feel obligated. Because I feel like I owe them. Because they just spent their money on me and I know they’re expecting something in return. They’re not giving just to give, they want something back. And at the end of the night when we’re standing on my door step, it’s very obvious they’re expecting something in return. And it’s very awkward when you’re not inclined to give it to them. I don’t like feeling like I owe people anything, I don’t like being expected to do something because I’m a girl, I don’t like people spending money on me, or trying to impress and wow me. And that’s exactly what a date is. 

So, with these reasons, it’s probably no wonder I’m still single. See, when I was younger, I wasn’t allowed to date. But I did the online relationship thing. I fell in love with my best friends, we were in relationships, we spent so much time talking online, or texting, or on the phone- platforms in which people are more comfortable talking about themselves and sharing feelings – so by the time we met in person we already knew everything about each other. There was no awkwardness, no expectations, we were already basically together, just never physically. So I never dated, and now I’m 19, single, and am the complete opposite of what makes someone that dates. I don’t like them, I don’t like the awkwardness. It was probably unfortunate that I had such serious relationships that spawned over the internet before they moved to reality, because I’m pretty much incapable of just dating to date. 

So with that, I am going to conclude my reasons for not dating.

Reasons I don’t date #5: It’s weird. 

Anyone else feel the same? Or have some weird stories to share? 

Advertisements