Top 5 Reasons You Should Back Revolver’s Kickstarter

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5. Because of the awesome prizes. Seriously, one of a kind, awesome crazy unique adventurous sexy-the list goes on- prizes are up for grabs. Get your hands on them.

4. Because this film is going to be badass. But more importantly this film is unlike any other, no big screen flair, no famous actors in expensive trailers, no crazy high budgets. This is a small budget big time opportunity. Make it happen.

3. Because Burke and Veronica are two of the nicest people I’ve ever met. They’re genuine people, real people just like you and me, that have big dreams that they created together. I’ve had the privilege of meeting them both and if you listen to the way they talk about Revolver you’d understand. They more than deserve this to be real, they’ve worked their assess off for it.

2. Because this is inspiring. I’m not talking about the film, I’m talking about the story leading up to the film. Watching this go from an idea, a mere dream-to reality, has been eye opening. As I’ve watched the numbers go from 0 to over 37k in a matter of days, I’ve realized anything IS possible if you attempt it and give it your best. Revolver the movie may be a film about a romance in exile, but Revolver the making of is a story about dreams becoming reality and people coming together.

1. Because you have the power to make someone’s dreams come true. Literaly every dollar helps this get one step closer to reality. And when this film is funded and the cameras are rolling, it will be because YOU contributed to it. You have a direct part in making this real, making dreams come true, and being part of something bigger than all of us. So why not? Dig in your pocket, your piggy bank, your extra money, and your heart. Pull a little out, Revolver needs YOU.

http://www.kickstarter.com/projects/veronicavarlow/revolver-a-road-trip-romance-in-exile-feature-film

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Here I am, 3 days later, on the bus headed home.

My first thought as I opened up my app to begin this journal: wow….it’s only been 3 days?

I feel like I’ve grown an entire lifetime. I’ve gained the knowledge and passion of 7 other women, and strengthened my own in ways i’d never known possible. How am I the same person I was 3 days ago? How did I spend my life not feeling like this?

As I thought about blogging this, I had intended to blog about the adventures of Luminous Wild. But then as I wrote them all out in my workbook and diary I realized that the actual experiences and magic that happened….they were sacred. They were kept to our tribe, the first Luminous Wild tribe, and that’s where they’ll stay. In the land, in our minds, our hearts, our memories.

This retreat wasn’t so much a retreat as it was a rebirth. Every single person changed. Grew. Transformed. We did it together, we did it as a tribe.

So while I won’t relay my weekend word for word here, I’m going to mention the most meaningful and changing parts of it. The rest will remain in my heart and in my journal.

*****

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As Jen and I puled up, past 8:30 at night after a terrifying drive around curves at the edge of cliffs, we were greeted with this sign, and received into the coziest place I could ever have imagined. There were hugs, cookies, and hot cider.

As I sat there, looking around, I asked myself: what did I get myself into? Why am I here?
I was weary from 26 hours of travel, yet as I sat there I was wide awake and ready to begin. I felt renewed, invigorated, alive.

The first night was just a taste of what was to come. There was already that small seed planted in us, ready for us to take notice and let it grow. Let ourselves grow. We laughed, we talked, we began to knock down the walls we had built around ourselves.

4 1/2 hours of on/off sleep later, I was awake again. I was the first to rise, and as I crept around the art barn as to not disturb my sleeping partner, I felt an overwhelming sense of peace. I slipped on my boots and scarf and crept out into the crisp morning air as the sun began to rise.

I’m awake. I’m alive.

I walked to the bridge nearby and looked out into my surroundings and was greeted with the most beautiful sight.

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It took my breath away, and as I leaned against the rail I felt a little bit of my anxiety and stress begin to slip away. I made it, I was there, I was ready to be open and just let things happen. I felt like an open book, a blank page, ready to be imprinted on.

Even as I type this out now in the dimming light, I cannot believe this was just yesterday morning. How had so much changed in the course of one day?

Now, the magic that happened cannot be explained with words and blogs. It was something that had to be felt, experienced, and seen.

But magic was made. It was made in our minds and souls, it was made, literally, in the middle of a river.

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It was made with the wind. With food. With love. With glitter. With music. With hugs. With sharing. With all of us there, together, being true to who we were and just letting go.

We all began to realize, this was real. We are special. We are powerful. We are goddesses.

As the sun went down we embarked on a secret walk, which turned in to a wild version of the girlscouts. On magic. Huffing glitter.

Ok that was an exaggeration. BUT there was a walk, and singing, and dancing in the middle of the road for oncoming and unsuspecting cars. (Car car….C-A-R…. you girls know the rest.) We laughed so much I thought I wouldn’t be able to walk. As I type this I’m laughing to myself, remembering what we did. I’m also getting funny looks but that’s besides the point.

Our walk ended with a surprise beyond surprises. And all I have to say for this part is that we met one of -the- coolest and sweetest most loving people. And we were fed like goddesses.

****
It’s dark now, as I’m typing this, which is the perfect time to write the next part. To me, the best part of the whole experience.

The fire.

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This fire changed my life. Right there. Right then. My whole word shifted directions, so many questions were answered….questions I didn’t even know I had. But the way it felt. It felt so right.

Around this very fire, 6 of us sat. We took turns drumming out beats within us

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But then the real magic happened. I danced with fire. The very amazing woman in that photo with me brought her fire dancing poi’s, fans, and fingers. She asked if I wanted to try it.

My first mental response was: but you don’t know how. Don’t do it, you’ll look stupid and mess up.

But then my wild self took over my mouth. “Hell yeah! Light me up!”

Wait what?!

But i’d said it. I was on my feet like an excited kid, grinning ear to ear as she went over the safety with me and fastened 4 fingers on to me. Then I lit up.

It was then, right then and there. I felt it. I felt empowered and alive, I felt the fire heating my skin warming me despite being in a tanktop at night. I felt the energy rushing through me. And then I felt myself moving.

What the fuck was I doing? I don’t even know. But there were drums, and I found myself dancing with fire. Dancing with my desire. Dancing with power.

I was on fire, both literally and metaphorically. I wanted more, I wanted to keep going. So we brought out the fire fans. When I lit up it was like a blast of pure power. The fire took over, whooshing around my body, dancing over my skin, spinning into the darkness. And when it was gone, when i’d spun and danced my fire out…..I was reborn. I was changed. I felt passion that i’d never felt before. THIS was what I needed to do. I needed this in my life. I swear that fire was calling me.

The night wore on, and we danced, drummed, and surrounded ourselves with fire. We were rained on, but we kept dancing, lifting our faces to the moon and howling. Drumming. We were wild, we were on fire, we were alive.

That night lasted an eternity, and it will forever be in my heart. I found myself open to more than I thought I could be. I was letting myself be wild and being okay with it.

I realized the world wasn’t going to fall apart if I just threw my head back and howled, and let myself be wild. I don’t always have to be held together, I don’t always have to be mature and structured. It was okay to just….be.

2am rolled around and I was passed out on the couch with a smile on my face. Hell, yes. That had happened. This was real.

******
Morning came to me bright and early, with sun shining through the window onto my face. it was the last day, but in a way, it was the first. The first day of our new starts. I wrote in my journal until i’d recollected everything from the previous night, and the day began with some delicious food, fit for a goddess.

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Prepared by some.

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****
The magic that happened was too perfect for words, and too private to share with the world. But it was real, and it was wonderful, and it was intense.

Then we gathered up our wild selves for a group picture – in the hot tub.

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And to finish off the perfect retreat, there had to be a little sillyness

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And after a ride home with Jen as we let the weekend sink in and shared our thoughts and feelings of it, I’m here. I’m going back home.

So to work towards an end to this massive post, this changed my life. This retreat, that was once just an idea, just a possibility….happened. And it was wild. It was luminous. It was packed full of everything we needed for our new starts.

It was a privilege and an honor to watch as we all transformed into creatures we only dreamed we could be. To watch as each light of our candle was filled with a little more strength, a little more certainty. To go from whispering our names in shyness and uncertainty to declaring we were goddesses and howling.

So thank you, to Contessa and Veronica. You did this. You brought us together. And we all rocked it. Thank you for sharing, for teaching, for inspiring, for guiding, for listening, and for loving. Thank you for the food, the hugs, the laughter, the singing, and the magic. Thank you.

And thank you to each wonderful woman I shared the circle with. We’re a tribe and a family. And you all have helped change me. You are always in my hearts, and I will always be there to answer your calls.

In conclusion…The lessons I learned can’t be written out, the inspiration I gained can’t be explained. The strength I feel can’t be described. But I can say, without a doubt, that I’m a goddess of fire. And I’m fucking Luminous Wild.

xxxxx

                When we are here, when we are wild, we are our true selves – Veronica Varlow

After the Wild

Journey To Luminous Wild

Here I am, sitting in the bus station of Harrisburg PA. How did I get here?

Well 3 delays and a route change later, that’s how.

This trip has been long, and tiring. But i just accept this as part of my journey. There’s a reason I turned up in Harrisburg, rather than Buffalo. There’s a reason i’m 4 hours delayed. Somehow, there’s a reason.

I’ve spent most of the trip in a state of dreamless sleep, the rocking of the bus as it rolled down the highway lulled me into a place that was neither sleeping completely, nor awake. I just existed. One of the many on the way to their final destination. One of the many on their journeys.

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While delayed in Pittsburgh, i spoke with a woman in her 40’s as we desperatley charged our phones before they died on us completely. She was headed to New York City, alone, for the first time. She told me it was her first time traveling alone and she was a little scared. I smiled at her and told her she was in for a treat, because NYC was amazing, and that she’d be just fine alone. She smiled back and that stranger-you-can-trust relationship was established. We watched each others phones as we got information on our buses, then bid each other safe trips.

And such has been the flow of my trip. I awake this morning to lush rolling hills with fall colored trees. The sky was the bluest i’d ever seen it. It was beautiful, breathtaking, and just the sight I needed to see.

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So when we pulled in to Harrisburg I got some coffee and put on some music until I was sufficiently awake, then slipped into the bathroom to change and wash my face.

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There’s another hour left to my layover, then I’m on to Binghamton to meet my Wifey before we head to the retreat together.

Change, Journey, Restart

I haven’t blogged in awhile. I think mainly because I felt that I had nothing to blog about. I told myself people probably wouldn’t even see it or read it, and then I talked myself out of getting my thoughts out onto a literary plane.

I had to remind myself that I’m blogging for me, blogging for my own life, and that if people happen to read it along the way- then that’s just a bonus.

So I’m starting over, and taking a journey with my new start.

My life is changing, and sometimes when I stop and think about it, it gets scary. Only a couple weeks ago I went down to St. Louis for “MEPS”, or as it’s officially known- Military Entrance Processing Station. I went through my medical and passed, and officially began my journey into the Air Force. I signed all the papers and took the Oath of Enlistment with three other guys. It was a woman who was giving us our oath, and I couldn’t stop watching her. She was in charge, she was respected, she had authority and power- and yet she was funny. She was funny, sweet, and tried to make us all welcome. She was inspiring.

I want to be like that. I want to walk into a room and have respect, I want to be looked up at, I want to be intimidating. But then I want to surprise people when they find out I can be funny, sweet, and something they never would have imagined.

I think back to my life a year ago, and I laugh a little. I’ve come a long way. I’ve grown into someone I never thought I’d be. I have a lot more growing to do, but I’m not ashamed of where I am now. I’m strong and I believe in myself more than anything else. I know I can succeed at whatever I try. I know I can make it through. I know I don’t need the approval of others to be who I am. I love myself.

But I also hate myself.

I hate that the scars of my past have left me incapable of the innocence I once had. I hate that I’ve made myself so strong that I’ve forgotten how to be fragile, because I’m too afraid that I might shatter and be unable to pick the pieces back up. I hate that I can never be satisfied with my body. I hate that sometimes I talk too much, when maybe I should just be quiet. I hate that I can’t tell someone what’s wrong, even when they’re genuinely asking.

So I guess, I love my strengths, I love what I’ve built up of myself, and I love how far I’ve come. But it’s all the little things that I push away- that I hate.

So I want to restart, I want to learn to balance and be at peace with the inner war that goes on inside of my body. And in one week, I will have that fresh start.

I’ll be going to Luminous Wild. (Here: http://dangerdame.com/classes-the-school-of-deadly-charms/ )

I’m going to begin with a 20 hour bus journey across the U.S, from IL to upstate NY. I’m going to spend 20 hours getting to know myself again, thinking, contemplating, or just watching the scenery fly past.

Then I’m going to spend 3 magical days with Veronica Varlow, Contessa Montebello, and other women coming from all walks of life. All stages of their journeys. All with reasons similar, and different than my own. And we’re going to build magic from the ground up.

Then I’m going to have a 20 hour journey back to reflect and absorb everything I’ve learned, discovered, felt, and thought. So that when I get home and back to the flow of my life, I can change the current of it. I can find a balance and a strength. I can greet my life, knowing that I’ll be ready for it. And I can carry this magic inside of me.

I’m ready to restart.

I’m ready.

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Iiae

xxx